I forgot that my birthday was coming.

Not to say that I didn’t know May 24^th was coming. It’s just that it’s May 24, 2019; not May 24, 2020. I turn 30 next year, so I’ve been drafting plans for my celebration. Looking at costs. Figuring out what needs to be done. 30 is a big one.

I don’t even know when it dawned on me, but that attitude is really ungrateful. What about today? Between May 24, 2020 and this day, so much will change–and not all

of the change will be welcomed.

My late brother’s birthday is 10 days away from mine, June 4th. He died when he was 20. Every time I have celebrated a birthday after 20, I thought, “This is another year that I got to see that Dominique did not,” and it’s hard to process because I still feel so young. Yet here I am not celebrating one year like the next one is promised to me.

I remember being in high school, and I was hype to graduate. College was coming down the pipe. I needed that. My brother died during my senior year. I went off to college, but there was no more time to spend with him.

Eventually, the thrill of college wore off. It was time to go. I had done all of the things. Met all of the people, and real adulting was awaiting me. I could not wait to graduate. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer two months before my graduation. I graduated from college, but there was no more time for a well grandma.

I remember that gap between me and graduate school. I was trying to figure out the next step. Will a job come through? Will I go to school? I thought everything would be alright when I got to the next thing. My grandma died two months before I was supposed to go to graduate school. I went to school. My life took off, but there was no more time to spend with my grandma.

I had to check myself a few days ago because I told someone, “29 is just a weird year. Like, what do you do with it?”

You live in it.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been guilty of living life from mountaintop moment to mountaintop moment; taking for granted all of the people, places, and things who even gave me the strength to climb.

We can get so caught up in the next thing that we forget the blessing of the moment we’re in. I live in a place I really, really love. Life could pull me away from here, and I’ll be sitting around telling people how I miss New Orleans. But did I embrace it as much as I could while I’m here, today?

My job is any other work place. It has its highs and lows, but for the most part, I enjoy working with my colleagues. One day, we’ll all be in different places. I’ll be dealing with some oddball in another place, and I’ll wish I had the set of colleagues I have now. But am I learning all I can from them now and enjoying the opportunity to be there, or am I focusing on the things I can’t do anything about?

I have a circle of great people, friends and some family. As we continue to live forward, we will surrender to eternity. Hopefully no time soon, but it will happen. One day, I’ll be saying I miss someone else. But did I love up on them as much as I could today?

My nieces and nephews are all little people. One day, I’ll be like “When did you get grown? I miss you little.” But did I make time to kick it with them on the playground, today?

And if all of that stuff will matter when it’s gone, why do I take it for granted while I have it today?

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, the big things matter a lot, but the little things matter the most.

I’m grateful for today, and I plan to eat the marrow out of 29. (That was country, I know.)

Happy Joshua Johnson Day!

Be Light,

Joshua